occupation: SAHM

I was asked by my friend to be her lector for her wedding mass a week before the special day. I texted back and expressed my gratefulness. Actually I was informed at least a year ago, but I thought I would just be reading a scripture. No, she said, Lector ka!

Now it can be told.

I froze in fear when I received her text message. I wanted to tell her to get my husband instead. He was an active lector in a parish church for many years, and even attended seminars about it. He has a good speaking voice too, so he was almost always requested to be a lector for friends’ and relatives’ weddings.

Being a lector should be a breeze, but having a “professional lector” for a husband, not to mention that the bride herself is one, put too much pressure on my creamy shoulders.

Now I can finally come out and admit my secret facts about my stint as a lector.

1. The last time I became a lector was 15 years ago in our parish. And I did a very bad job, so I wasn’t asked to do it again.

How bad? I read the priest’s lines.

2. I was again, sick right before the wedding. I was hoping that I would conveniently lose my voice, but God obviously, would have none of that.

3. I resigned to the fact that I would never be able to get out of it without the bride hating me for the rest of her life, so I asked my husband for tips. But since we were not together 24/7 and I was dying to perfect my craft, I researched for lector tips on the internet.

4. I don’t like the sound of my voice. I feel it doesn’t sound smart, or cultured, or at least pleasant. It is too simple it lacks appeal, and a good speaking voice is a lector must-have.

 But I read from a website that using the diaphragm does wonders for one’s voice. So I practiced reading the misalette in a tape recorder while saying Amen from my diaphragm.  

5. I told a lie right inside the Church. I was asked by one of the church coordinators if I am a “professional lector.”

I gave her my most confident smile and said yes. All the rehearsals for nothing?

I was again asked if I lector on Sunday masses. I answered, “Not regularly, but yes.” I half-expected a lightning to  strike me at that moment, but thankfully, our God is a merciful God.

6. I hope that there is no picture or video clip of me up there. Like I said, I was sick. So I had a runny nose and uncontrollable coughing fits.But I also remembered from the website that a lector shouldn’t be moving around too much.

I was so scared to attract attention I had to do deep breaths several times to keep myself from coughing. I couldn’t even wipe my nose properly. I know the bride got a great photographer so if he took a picture of me while reading, then he must have captured you-know-what on my nose.

7. I pronounced one word wrong, and fumbled on two words.

Thankfully,  nobody, except my husband and the bride, must have noticed I was there. After all, a wedding mass is never about whether a commentator is a professional or a friend who is just being a friend.

The mass is always, always about the bride and the groom. Congratulations to the one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen.

I wish that you and your husband will be  king cobras!

* Also in response to the memes from Mousey, Idealpinkrose, Rems and Christina.