the housewife and the fish
We went to see a professional for advice, who inquired first about our family.
My husband works in this company. He has a college degree. I’m not working, I’m a housewife. Yes, I have a college degree.
Yes, I used to work for this company, and later in this company. Yes, I had enormous responsibilities, there is nothing wrong with filing but expectations of me weren’t close to that. Yes, I chose to stay at home and take care of the kids.
To say that she was uncomfortable about my chosen field is an understatement. She asked if I have fun with what I do, if I do anything else to have fun, you know, for… her hands waved and gestured towards her chest.
I smiled and nodded. Opo.
And finally, we were discussing the reason why we were really there. I listened intently as I looked at the books on her shelves, mentally enumerating questions as she talked.
Then she tapped me. I peeled my eyes away from her books, and found her looking intently at me.
“You understand what I’m talking about?” I just smiled and said yes.
***
I’m a housewife, not a dum-dum. I bet my son’s pediatrician, the school directress and even my optometrist will all be willing to attest how much of a reader I am.
But you know, that’s the reality of life that I have come to accept. Many perceive a housewife as a pitiful being, that’s why several other names have sprouted to make it at least sound more correct. Stay-at-home mom. Homemaker. Home manager. COO of the house.
But it’s all the same. Regardless of our titles, we all stay at home, take care of the house and the kids. And there will always be people who feel we are wasting our lives, who feel uncomfortable around us because they feel our kind is a bunch of dimwits.
Me, it doesn’t matter. Call me any name you like, look at me at any way you choose. I’m perfectly fine such that I don’t feel compelled to defend my choice. Let our way of life do the talking.
The way I see it, the issue here is one’s perception of me, of housewives in general, and not me per se.
As the saying goes, to love what you do and to feel that it matters, how could anything be more fun?
***
Of course, I’m not going back.
You seek a professional to help you achieve a certain goal. If a professional who’s going to work with you looks down on you, how can you be assured that the professional will look beyond his/her prejudices against you long enough to help you?
I may not care what people think of me. But if I continue to see a person who looks at me and say tsk! tsk! and even pay for it, then a dum-dum I am indeed.
***
Oh yes, the fish.
You wondered what fish could have such beautiful fish scales. SM Hypermart’s fish section showed me the answer.
It’s a parrot fish!
They really do come in different colors. There’s this.
But this is what I saw in the supermarket.
My husband must have been given scales from both an aqua green and a red orange parrot fish. Wow!
And oh, that was fun. Nyahahaha!
Kongkong622:
You forgot the other title…”Ilaw ng Tahanan”. Actually, it’s these narrowminded individuals who fall under the dimwit category. We don’t need to defend our choices. It’s OUR choice anyway. As long as it works for the betterment of our family then it’s a good choice. Maybe not the best but good all the same
LC: yes, we dont need to. our choices are not for other people anyway, right?
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 10:23 amMommyBa:
I consider SAHMs as the lucky brood because you get to tend to your household and kids 100% of the time. I had the same reactions when I decided to quit my job 3 years ago and was a SAHM for 2 years. Sayang daw ang degree and all that but I didn’t really mind because I was “working” too for my family.
When you look at it, there’s some degree of envy from people who say things against SAHMs or who feel that this brood is much less of a being than the ones practicing their professions or have soaring careers in their fields of study. But let’s face it, SAHMs can do a lot more things than them. Being a SAHM requires a certain degree of dedication and sacrifice that others cannot do. With that alone, you should be proud of the choice you made and I know that you are.
You’re not a dimwit. Pabayaan mo sya to categorize you as such. But for as long as you’re happy with your decision, just continue what you’re doing. Sa ibang professional ka na lang maghanap ng advice - your parents, your in-laws or your close friends. That professional isn’t worth the money you shelled out for a piece of advice.
LC: hahaha! oo nga e. i paid for that pa.
kung tutuusin kanya-kanya lang tayo ng pinili. sana nga lang people would respect others’ choices, but then, it happens, there will always be people who will frown on you.
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19 August 2007, 10:48 amjho:
From the start of my married life, i told e-H that i will not just sit down and stay sa bahay. I wanted to work. I don’t look down at SAHM, my mother is also a SAHM. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Shame on that professional. We make choices on what we think will be the best not only for ourselves but also for our family.
I salute you for being a SAHM.
Have a great sunday!
LC: thanks! really, we all just gotta do what we have to do. just because one is gainfully employed doesnt necessarily mean theyre the better lot diba.
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 1:15 pmRach:
I feel lucky to be a SAHM because I can take care of my son especially during the important years of development. I’ve encountered similar reactions and questions as to why I chose to be one. Sometimes, people cannot accept the simple reason that I’m happy this way. I guess there will always be people like that who think that staying at home to take care of the family is a waste of education. But of course, we know that it’s far from the truth. Each one makes his or her own choices in life, don’t you just wish people can learn to respect that?
LC: yes, i feel lucky too that im here for my children. time flies fast, so i think it’s great that im here, we’re just here. some people opt to be quiet, and i think thats polite of them. may iba talaga hindi mapigil ang bibig, hahaha!
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 2:34 pmRach:
BTW, I remember that assignment. It’s a pity you weren’t able to use those lovely and colorful scales. I’m sure it would have been the best in class.
LC: tsk, tsk! but i wonder what it tastes like. it’s a pretty big fish
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 2:35 pmMari:
You don’t have to worry about what people think when they learn you’re a SAHM. I’ve seen a lot of women who made the same choice as yours and with degrees at that. It’s your choice, you’d rather be the one to take care of your kids than others; you’d rather be there to see your toddler take his/her first step; you’d rather see them off to school, and give them a hug when they fall and kiss their boo-boo. These are memorable moments for you and your kids.
What a coincidence, I had parrot (blue/green) fish for lunch today.
Thanks for coming to my blog
LC: wow, ive never had parrot fish before. minsan nga masubukan. anong luto doon? saang resto ka kumain?
that’s right, i stopped worrying long ago. nakaka-distract lang. i have gotten used to the negative reaction, but i blogged about this one because this by far is the most unique, the weirdest, the most impolite reaction i’ve ever gotten.:D
but really, no worries. ok, so i got a little hurt (it would be hypocritical to say i didnt, tao lang po ), but in the end, i really think she was funny
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 3:12 pmmitch:
Naku, Cess. Being a SAHM has more to it than most people think. And really, it takes to be one before you can really understand how it is. If there is anything harder than being a SAHM, I would say it would be a SAHM with not even a househelp. So, talaga lang, saludo ako sa iyo!
LC: teehee! salamat! just gotta do what we gotta do:)
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19 August 2007, 4:35 pmiskoo:
yung sister in law ko rin mataas ang pinag-aralan, actaully she graduated in college as go;d medalist. nakapag work sa magandang company, pero nung nagkaroon na sila ng anak ng borther ko, huminto na siya at nag-ala sa aking pamangkit. we are so happy and blessed sa sacrifices nya. i am sure she will be rewarded sa mga decisions niya sa buhay nya.
LC: im glad also to see that she has a supportive family. swerte rin siya for having all of you
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 8:00 pmchateau:
Cess, this was so well-written! Clap, clap, clap!
Now let’s send the URL to that professional… On second thought, I agree. Why must we care whether they look down on us? Let the lives we lead speak. What irks me is how these people sometimes blatantly show their perception of full-time housewives. Sana nalang they respect our decision nohhh.. I remember tuloy the one who told me “Baket? Sayang naman ang pina-aralan natin!”
Hay.
And again, I really loved this piece, Cess. Parang pang award-winning!
LC: teehee, nagblush naman ako. salamat. i remember your blog entry about this too
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 9:32 pmDeb:
I am so proud to be a SAHM and on top of everything else, this is the longest job I have ever had! Most jobs 2-3 years, and this one is probably going to be my job till I retire! HA! This is what I’m good at. The pay is good, the benefits are good, and I get to stay up to date on everything. I don’t have a college degree, so I don’t feel like I’m “wasting my education”. I have plenty of computer skills, so I’m not worried about that. I just enjoy being to able to be there anytime my kids need me.
LC: hi deb. im glad to see you enjoying every bit of your being a sahm. thats what matters the most, that we’re happy with what we do
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 10:31 pmRowena:
<p>Hi Cess, like you I chose to be SAHM. I gave up so many juicy positions in gov’t. (feeling cabinet member noh, he he) so I can take care of my four growing kids. So many friends also commented sayang mga opportunities, sayang daw pinag aralan, sayang mga connections, blah blah. Eh kung nag work ako, yaya lang kasama nila wholeday (yaya din mag tutor?). Baka mas mahal pa nila yaya nila kesa saken. And worse, lagi pa silang me sakit. I still believe we are lucky we have a choice to be with our kids on their formative years.</p>
<em>LC: isa rin yan sa benefits of this “job” that we can be right there for the kids when they’re sick. </em>
[Reply]
19 August 2007, 10:39 pmAileen Apolo:
Dream ko maging housewife hehehe
LC:: uuy
you have my full support !
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20 August 2007, 12:40 amannamanila:
Great post. Great writing. And great defense of SAHM-hood which, of course, do not really need to be defended.
I think so many moms want to stay home too, if only they could. I couldn’t
LC: thanks AM! yup, i understand, there are moms who couldn’t/wouldn’t make this choice. ganon talaga, maraming factors diba. bottomline we’re all mothers and whatever the decision, mommy should be happy with it
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20 August 2007, 2:10 amannamanila:
Of course, very soon I will be a SAHM too, in a fashion. I dont wanna say I can’t wait but well I almost look forward to it.
LC: great! big hug!
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20 August 2007, 2:12 amEm Dy:
Remember all that fuss about a certain housewife in the 1980s? She was deemed just a housewife who wore not so nice clothes and was classified as in need of a makeover. Well, we all know what happened. She later became president of the country and wowed the world. Up to now, she is still considered a modern day hero.
I’m not a housewife myself but I feel that everybody deserves to be looked at in the same way whatever occupation he may be in.
LC: hi em dy. love what you wrote here. very inspiring. thanks!
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20 August 2007, 11:20 amTikey:
Ako din im planning to be a SAHM when i got kids, and be the best mom to my kids and best wife to my man. at blogging parin.
LC: hahaha! good luck to you and piolo!
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20 August 2007, 2:53 pmmaiylah:
i have no qualms about being a SAHM, either. hahaha. yup, let the others think what they want … let’s just see who’s got the smartest (and well adjusted) kid(s)!
but honestly, after my son got to grade1 I thought of having a job again … but now (a year later), I’m glad I didn’t!
cute template! enjoy po the rest of the week!
LC: thanks maiylah. we all gotta do what we gotta do
glad to see you happy with your decision.
[Reply]
20 August 2007, 3:41 pmkneeko:
i give u round of applause for being SAHM….
LC: uy, salamat!
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20 August 2007, 6:15 pmrazberry:
parrot fish, meron kaming parrot fish, alaga ng kuya ko.. i love parrot fish, nakakatuwa silang panoorin… malaki na un isang parrot fish ng kuya ko, pede na lutuin (ulk!!) hehehe
I think there’s nothing wrong being SAHM… saludo nga ako sa inyo.. Giving up careers, to take care of the kids.. Marami ang mga anak na naliligaw ang landas dahil sa kulang ang atensyon na binibigay ng magulang, or wala na talagang time dahil sobrang busy..
MAswerte ka dahil nagagampanan mo ang pagiging ina, full time pa. Yung iba kase hindi nila magawa, maaring wala silang choice, kelangan nilang kumita ng pera para sa mga anak nila..
LC: oo nga e,ang ganda-ganda ng parrot fish para kainin lang
parang mas ok na gawing pet na lang.
we gotta do what we gotta do. case to case basis. depende sa pamilya, at siyempre sa ina. bottomline the mom should be happy with her choice.
salamat sa compliment
[Reply]
20 August 2007, 6:27 pmLynn:
I have a lot of things to say about being a SAHM but this will look like another blog entry. All I can say is SAHMs are not pitiful beings, they’re courageous and admirable.
LC: thanks lynn! looking forward to your entry
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20 August 2007, 9:29 pmfeng:
ay Cess, you, Cookie, Rach, Chats as well as the other SAHMs–all of you have been an inspiration to me, for all you know. that’s why I’m looking forward to my being a full-time SAHM really really soon.
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21 August 2007, 9:23 amjulie:
Cess, the parrot fish tastes fishy. Not exactly tasty when grilled. Only way I have tasted it so that’s my 2 cents,
Who is that unprofessional professional? Hmph! To think you paid her? Ask for your money back!
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21 August 2007, 9:43 amsoloops:
Had you known that this professional know-it-all would do what she did, you should’ve written “walang pakialamanan” on your forehead.
Seriously, know-it-alls really abound. There are also a lot of them who smirk disapprovingly when they are informed that yes, I have a 2 year-old daughter, who is mostly left with nannies while I work. As if I even asked for their opinion.
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21 August 2007, 1:34 pmauee:
It’s their problem Cess. They’re not just shortsighted, they’re narrow-minded, too. Personally I would LOVE to stay at home, but I know I may not be cut for it & I will fail. When I didn’t have Kelvin and I took long breaks, I never run out of things to do & I looked horrid. I couldn’t seem to balance my schedule. Now that I have Kelvin, if hubby suddenly asks if I can stay at home, I’d have to really think hard if I can DO it. Not because of boredom or fear of losing my market value, but actual fear of whether I can cope and do it right.
Anyway… oo maganda nga ang parrot fish. Di lang ako bumibili pa. Ano kayang luto masarap nun? hehe
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10 September 2007, 12:14 amCQ:
I decided to stay-at-home after I got pregnant and plan to do it until our baby turns at least two. And I can honestly say that four days out of the week I wish I were working instead of being a homemaker. IT IS NOT EASY. It takes a brave woman to take on that responsibility full time. And I find myself realizing that I may not be cut out to do this *bows head in shame*.
[Reply]
17 July 2008, 8:18 pm